Jill: Lillian…who is ‘Margaret’ and why has she sent you flowers and a bag of wine gums?
Lill: Margaret is a fellow patron of Aritzia – she also happens to be a size 14.
Jill: …and she’s harbouring a giant woman crush on you because…?
Lill: I was searching for a new pair of Sevens and like me, Margaret appeared to be jean shopping. Only thing was, by the time I had tried on half a dozen options, decided on one and cashed out, dear Margaret was still aimlessly wandering around the racks.
Jill: No one would help her eh?
Lill: Nope, so I asked the pipe-cleaner behind the register why no one had made a move, and after sizing Margaret up with a scowl bigger than my own at a Monday morning staff meeting without doughnuts, she replied ‘we can’t help someone who can’t wear the product’.
Lill: Yeah – and to boot Margaret had overheard and looked about ready to bolt, so I did the only thing I could without being nabbed by mall security, I threw a wooden hanger at pipe-cleaner girl knowing the sheer weight and impact would make her fall over and in the process, got the attention of the store manager. After hearing the story of Margaret and and her delicious curves that no one would see to, the manager personally worked with Mags to find a pair, gave them to her with a $100 store credit and on my request made pipe-cleaner girl leave – though this took much time as the hanger incident left her tired and unable to walk straight.
Jill: *Sniff* Wow Lill, that was very cool of you.
Lill: What can I say – I loves the lady lumps.