Lill: *Cough, wheeze, sniff, hack* Ughhh…death plague has attacked me again…why is my immune system such a flake? I swim in public lakes every summer, regularly lick elevator buttons and touch every railing, door and seat bottom on the subway.
Jill: First, that’s disgusting Lillian – the fact that you would share this information so candidly with me when I voluntarily live with you just shows how much you take me for granted, and two, karma’s a hot bitch and you’ve been particularly nasty the past few months.
Lill: *Cough, wheeze, sniff, hack* Not true! My karma is as clean as Gwyneth Paltrow’s intestinal track – I even bought an extra box of Girl Guide cookies last summer for good measure.
Jill: *Raises eyebrow* Buying is not the same as stealing Lillian…
Lill: *Cough, wheeze, sniff, hack* Unless you’re going to make me something warm and heavily laced with whiskey you can take your healthy ass complete with snark elsewhere – I have phlegm to dispel *cough, wheeze*.
Jill: *Rolls eyes* Oh for heaven’s sake, just go to the walk-in clinic.
Lill: *Sputter* Are you INSANE?! That’s the LAST place I’m going!
Lill: *Cough, wheeze, sniff, hack* Clinics are full of sick people.